I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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