i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
