his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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