She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
