thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
