Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
