Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I see more hoeing in ur future
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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