remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
