Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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