for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
