I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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