Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
