fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
