but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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