allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
