Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
