dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it hurts more in the daytime
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
