stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
