I didn't shave. On purpose
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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