Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
