She's JV to your varsity
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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