My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
