we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
