I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
