We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
