He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
