The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
