Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
