a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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