It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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