Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
