If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
