i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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