Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
