cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
