I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
