got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
