You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
