She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
