are you still at the devil's house?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
