Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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