Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
