Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
