i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
