toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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