this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
