its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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