just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
