Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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