I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
