i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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