im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We left the knife in your bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
