Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
