we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
