Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
